Why Matrescence matters to me - My story:

Picture this - it's covid times and I am isolated in my house (yet another lock down- remember that!?) with a new baby. Motherhood can be so isolating and lonely and lockdowns just kicked that up a notch. 

My only window to the outside world was through my phone. Instagram served me up my daily dose of happy looking mums with shiny cute smiling babies. All the while I was feeling alone, frustrated and very confused. 

The experience of motherhood was nothing like I expected. I found it difficult to get Sonny up and dressed everyday. I felt like I was just getting through the day, meanwhile through my insta window, everyone else looked like they were excelling.

I felt different after birth. The big love buzz that everyone talked about did not happen for me immediately - it was a slow burn. Getting used to my new life took time. Getting to know and love Sonny, navigating the changing boundaries of my relationship, dealing with a painful episiotomy scar and challenging sex, figuring out the ups and downs of new parenthood and all the while I felt my identity was slowly disintegrating. I felt lost at sea. 

Something inside me knew there was something more going on here. Even though I seemed to be alone, I had an inkling that I was not the only woman to have this experience - but at the time  it felt that way. 

Then I came across the term Matrescence. That was my epiphany, my lightbulb, my aha , my why did no one tell me this before moment!!  All of a sudden I felt seen, heard and understood. Something I had not felt in a while. 

The first thing you need to know is that this process is an evolution. You are in transition from the woman you were to the woman you are becoming. And like most transitions (think adolescence - grrrr!!) this can be tricky. This liminal space feels ungrounded and scary (and it is). When we dont know whats happening , when we think we are the only ones feeling this way, when we think there is something wrong with us, then this process can be internalised and can feel in some way traumatising. 

But here's the thing - when you understand what is happening, you can begin to ride the waves of the transition, knowing that at the other side there will be comprehension, compassion, growth and potentially a more authentic, powerful version of you.